My life

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Why I wrote this book

I am not trying to make this book to be a 'writer'. I do not want a reputation and all of that. I do not want people to study my book and recognize the language features (if there is any)

I am writing it for a few reasons

Well I have a lot of spare time and have been thinking about it for a while…

The main inspiration is my mums diary which she has kept for some time, and I always think it will be a good thing for people to read when they are older. The nd main reason is because I think that it will be a good thing to look back on when I am older.

Matt musician

Well… music has gone back a long time in our family. My dads father who I never met played the violin, my sister played violin and piano, she reached one of the top levels but no longer plays much. My dad plays the guitar, self taught he can still play along to most songs by listening to them and quickly working out what key they are in. My brother also plays the guitar when he can and is also self taught. I first thought of learning the guitar in about standard 4 when I wanted an electric guitar. I wanted one all through my intermediate years until I realized I should be making the most of my opportunities and play the acoustic since we had a couple lying around the house. In form I took up lessons until we were in Christchurch once when I bought an electric guitar. I immediately thought I was the man and had more fun standing on my bed and playing unplugged than playing through the amp.

I soon found a teacher through a friend and have been learning with him ever since.

When people ask me how long I've been playing, I tell them 5 years. It is unfortunate that I am not very good.

Toilet humour

Well.. what can I say. Toilet humour is funny, the funniest thing ever. I cannot believe I am writing this but I am well known as one of the best farters around.

I just cannot see how some people do not find toilet humour funny. Sure its disgusting. Everytime you fart you are spewing poo particles out but nothing is funnier than a big sloppy fart in somebodys face. I used to be obbseessed with farting. This was shown by my rd form speech on flatulence where at the start I waited for silence before letting rip.

I have farted in some very awkward situations. Nothing is better for lighting up the worst of situations than a big fart.

The worst situation I've ever been in was when I was inside the hosue on a Friday afternoon and our family was about to go to our batch for the weekend.

Next thing you know it I am out the front of the nextdoor neighbours house watching my neighbour have a stroke. It was horrible. Ambulance was on the way, however he could not stand up. When the ambulance showed up the officers helped the poor man get to his feet. He struggled and nearly collapsed. He then began to throw up all over the place. I was shocked as I had never seen this soprt of thing before and there it was happening right in front of my eyes. The next thing I hear is a fart. Then another, then another.

I could not help myself but laugh. I bit the inside of my lip the hardest its ever been bitten and turned the other way. Luckily noone noticed. Here was a man possibly about to die and I was laughing because those were the best farts I had ever heard.

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