Shirtless on Sunday

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"Shirtless on Sunday"

"Please don't say anything about me not wearing a shirt, Heidi." In hindsight, it is easy to see that simply complying with my mother's request would have saved me thirty minutes of pointless arguing and an anger filled afternoon. You see, my mom is what you would call "middle-aged" and she has been feverishly trying to lose weight, so in her success, she trapezes around the house in a sports bra and mesh shorts. One would think that on a Sunday afternoon a 45-year-old woman would have the dignity to throw on a t-shirt for lunch, but not my mom. The scene goes as follows

Jean enters the room, slightly worried by what her daughter might say about her clothing, thus she desperately tries to find a way to avoid confrontation.

Jean (hesitantly) Please do not say anything about me not wearing a shirt.

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Heidi (jokingly, with a roll of the eyes) Well, if you'd put one on I wouldn't have to say anything.

Jean (reluctantly laughs along) Let's eat lunch.

The family progress to the table and beings their normal small talk. It is not long before Heidi looks at her mom and let's the next few phrases flow from her lips without thinking.

Heidi (slightly joking, slightly agitated) Ma, why don't you just put on a shirt, it's not that hard.

Jean (in motherly tone) I don't want to.

Heidi (trying to maintain a joking spirit) Freak out, no one wants to see you like that. All my friends come over and see you in your bra!

At this point Bob, the loving husband and cautioning father steps in to defend his wife and heed warning to his daughter.

Bob (confidentially, with a chuckle) No, she doesn't. You two better stop before someone gets upset.

Jean (know it all tone) No one is mad, Bob.

Heidi (frustrated by this time) Just put on a shirt!

Jean (decides to try and be philosophical) How would you like it if I always told you when I didn't like what you were or weren't wearing?

Heidi sits with a blank stare on her face trying to sort through what her mother just said because frankly, she doesn't understand. As Heidi sits in wonder, Jean must make a sudden decision. She can either continue down the road of reconciling differences and upset her daughter further or just throw in the towel. The decision is made in haste and Jean impatiently turns to Bob and speaks as if Heidi has suddenly become deaf.

Jean Is she acting clueless or is she just plain dumb?

Decision factor yields that this is going to be a win at all costs battle, Jean in her corner and Heidi in the other.

Heidi (defensively) Wow, you are rude! I guess I am just dumb.

Heidi begins to clean up the dishes and remnants of their "family" lunch. But Jean just can't let it go, so in her peacemaker attitude and need for conflict resolution; she demands that Heidi returns to the table to fix "the problem."

Jean (knowingly) I didn't mean to say you were dumb, I don't even think I said…(turns to Bob) what did I say? I didn't…

Heidi becomes apathetic to the gibberish fumbling from her mother's lips and tries to block her out. Bob tries to break the tension and rectify the problem.

Bob I told you someone would get mad; see this gets us nowhere. It is a waste of our time!

Heidi finally breaks the silence in hopes of fleeing the scene.

Heidi (quickly, with desperation) Whatever, it doesn't matter, you didn't call me dumb, ok, and can I leave?

Jean frantically tries to spit out her conflict resolution jargon while Heidi fiddles with a nearby cupcake box. At last the scene ends with Heidi prevailing.

Jean I don't know what do to. I can't take back what I said. I am sorry if I offended you.

Heidi (monotone) You know what you can do. Just leave me alone, let me do what I need to do and I'll be fine.

Jean (weary) Ok, then you can tell me when you aren't mad at me anymore.

Jean leaves the table and Bob follows in hopes of consoling her while Heidi begins to do her daily activities. The conflict is left open ended.

That's a wrap. That is the sum of my pointless fight. I had a choice from the beginning, shut my mouth, or attack my mom. Apparently, I chose the hard way out. Greenberg would've merely shaken my mom's hand and said, "Happy Weight Lose," but my free-floating anger overcame my desire to encourage my mom. There was a distinct time to decide to fight or fly, and I, unlike Greenberg and Frank, armed myself the best way I knew and jumped into the ring. Greenberg and Frank modestly let themselves be "down" and in the end, "All over the room you could hear safeties snapping on, warheads being unarmed. The incident was over, and in a moment it was as if it had never happened." In my case, the moment had happened and none of us knew how to end it gracefully.

I firmly believe there is reason for all things, and this petty fight taught me that I am often a fast talker and slow listener. I also found that what I say might not be what I mean and what I mean may be better left unsaid. So all in all, it is not always best to be, "neutral, unemotional, slightly bemused," but rather open-minded, caring, and overwhelmingly focused. When "decision time" comes, it is best to listen to the old clich that says, "Think before you speak."

The next time my mom says, "Please don't say anything about me not wearing a shirt," I think I'll listen!

Works Cited

Greenberg, Dan. "Sound and Fury." Strategies for Successful Writing A Rhetoric, Research Guide, and Reader. 6th Edition. Ed. Leah Jewell. Upper Saddle Rover, NJ Prentice Hall, 00. p. 46-48.

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