Tony

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One word Wow.

Main point to me

-Your experience with anorexia and your development as a writer are inextricably linked. Your growth as a writer is reflected in your coming to terms with an illness.

Solid

Custom writing offers papers on tony

-Your intricate weaving of two storylines the battle with anorexia and your development as a writer. Jessica, you did such an amazing job going back and forth between these two. The balance of attention you give them is startling and DEFT. It takes a very skilled hand like yours not to get lost in the narrative of the illness but to be able to constantly bring the reader back to the significance as to your experience with language. I'm absolutely stunned at your ability to achieve that total integration.

-Your intricate weaving of two storylines. I needed to say that again. Wow.

-Your sentence variety. For example, on page , I numbered some of your sentences. I want to make you aware of how this works in a reader's mind. Bear with me. With #1, you have a sentence with an introductory phrase. Sentences , , and 4 are all garden variety simple sentences with subjects and verbs. Sentence 5 is one with another introductory phrase. Sentence 6 is a complex sentence with two subjects and two verbs and a dependent clause between them (leaving…). Sentence 7 is an ultra short, very punchy one. My point your ability to alter the sentence structures has a very real, but very underrated, power. It's HUGE…we just don't often think about it. You're very lucky to have such an arsenal of sentence structures…to have that comfort of working with different kinds of sentences. Keep at it. It's going to get you far in your writing.

-The vividness of your descriptions. You have an awesome grasp of detail. The story you wrote that won second place was very well described. As was your reflection on its significance. The story of you leaving Phoenix and putting a poem by each of your friends' beds was VERY well written. "living dead girl" was an incredible turn of phrase. The sentence "I was fifteen years old and a sophomore in high school, and I was dying" was just pure poetry. Also the thought "Instead, I wrote poetry, which was so complex and distorted, it would take an anorexic to decipher the hidden meanings."

Not so solid

-The introduction. Specifically, the first paragraph. We talked in class about the need to provide a road map at the beginning. And I take this paragraph as your attempt to do so. However, we also talked about how the best road maps do not explicitly state "I am going to do this" or "I am going to do that." They show, but don't tell. Which amounts to somehow talking about anorexia and writing without overtly saying "In this paper I am going to talk about anorexia and writing." You can just cut the "In this paper I am going to" part off. Given the incredibly poetic way in which you write the rest of your paper, the introduction seems ill-fitted. It comes off flat. I know you have the ability to come up with something more creative than this intro. If not, consider what it would like to not even have the first paragraph there. Would it really affect the rest of your paper? In my opinion, no. So it shouldn't be there or it should be there but with a much different look.

-The title. I KNOW you can do better than that. You're a poet. Poets don't title their poems "Poem." At least, not many.

Point at which I lost myself

-The second paragraph when you talked about waiting for your dad. Actually, the comment right before that "I wasn't always anorexic." That's when I gave myself up to this paper willingly. I was hooked.

Other things

-You mentioned possibly writing an autobiography related to your experience with anorexia. The writing of illness memoirs is actually an extremely popular genre right now. Are you familiar with Lauren Slater? She was one of the first to go on Prozac, and she has recently written a best-selling memoir about her experience with depression. It's called Prozac Diary. There's a similar book out called Prozac Nation by someone else, but I hear it's not as good. Prozac Diary is what I'm talking about. You may be interested in this book because Slater does a lot with language and illness together. And her style is extremely poetic. Your essay reminded me so much of her.

Also Wasted by Marya Hornbacher, which you may have already read (a memoir on bulimia and anorexia). I'm not sure how ready you feel you are to read something this "close to home," though.

A (though I'm really anxious to see what the revision looks like for your final portfolio)

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