Tuesday, July 3, 2012

my self

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Fragment Changes in Life I ncidents occur

in ones life daily. Most of the time people enjoy talking about what

happened today because most of the time its usually funny and it isnt

really considered anything serious. Some happenings in our lives are very

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serious and arent as easy to talk about with others. Even though this is

true it does help the person feel better to talk about their problems

whether they realize it at first or not. Changes in life like these can

change you both physically and mentally for the rest of your life

depending on the severity of the situation. In early August of `6 my

life at home became a living nightmare. I dont really know what it was

that started this thing between me and my parents but I do remember that

they were always doing anything they could to just annoy me. I doubt this

was intentional but at the time it seemed that it was. They would find

any excuse to yell or blame me for things that didnt even involve me and

they wouldnt listen to anything I had to say at all. They were right and

I was wrong, thats the long and the short of it. It got so bad that I

hated being home. I would do anything and go anywhere just to get away

from my parents; even if it meant going somewhere that I had always hated

going before. When I couldnt get out of the house I tried my best to

stay in my room and keep the door closed. When they decided that they

didnt want me in my room where they couldnt fuss at me they came up with

this big idea that I was trying to hide something from them. They must

have spent a lot of time trying to decide what I was trying to hide

because they came up with the only halfway smart thing I had heard from

them in almost a month. They had decided that I was smoking. Too bad for

them; they were wrong. Until their accusation, I hadnt touched a

cigarette but after that I did. I spent countless hours thinking about

the things that were going on with my life. For almost a whole month I

thought about ending my life and my problems, I thought about how I could

fix my life by getting away from the house legally, and I wondered what

their reasoning for doing this to me was. I finally decided that the

smart thing to do would be just do something to get away from them legally

but my next question was how then I got a tip as I was scanning through

the newspaper one evening. I was going to get a job and that would keep

me away from home. I applied to the first ad I saw in the paper and

strangely enough, I actually got a call from Ramada Inn in less than

days after applying. I went to interviews and apparently passed with

flying colors because I got the job about a week later. After working

there for about or three weeks the things happening at home had came to

and end but I had finally gotten my first taste of real life with my job

and it wasnt too sweet. To tell the truth it was terrible. I found out

the real reason they hired me. It wasnt because I was so qualified or

whatever, it was because the place couldnt get anyone to work. The

reason for that was the boss was a real pain in the rear. So now, I

didnt have to worry about problems at home; I now had to worry about

problems at work but at least I was getting paid for putting up with their

crap. I guess thats the price you have to pay and for me getting a job

and getting rid of the problems at home ended up saving my life. In my

lifetime I have seen a lot of weird things and have had lots of

experiences that have changed my life in one way or another and Im sure

that there are going to be lots more of them to come but these that really

stand out in my mind are mainly because they happened quite recently. In

my mind, I know that I am lucky that these happenings did only affect me

mentally and didnt go as far as to affect me physically because had they

succeeded, I probably wouldnt be here today. I know now that it would

have only been a long term solution to a short term problem but at the

time it seemed like suicide was going to be my only way out. I began

getting very frustrated with the events going on in my life and just

wanted to end them all. Looking back on what I thought at the time, I am

glad now that I just kept telling myself subconsciously things would get

better with time. The thing is, the resolution of my problems took longer

than I wanted them to. Id say that if these problems both with my family

life and my so called work life had continued much longer, I would have

disregarded anything my friends had told me and that I had told myself

about things getting better and would have ended my life as you and I know

it. You know, the more I think about it in writing this, the more I

believe that I probably wouldnt have ended it totally because I seem to

have really bad luck. You may ask what this has to do with anything but I

figure that if I had tried to kill myself, I would have ended up being

found and taken to a doctor and they were able to save my life but I would

have ended up being a vegetable but knowing some people, they probably

think Im a vegetable already.

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