Monday, April 23, 2012

‘Cat, Dog’

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‘Cat, Dog’

I was 7 years old, when I started 1st grade in Woodman Park School. It was a big school with a lot of kids. Like anybody who’s going into a new school would be nervous and scared, and want their parents next to them. Well I just was like them, clinging onto my mother’s arm as I walked down the hallway into my 1st grade classroom.

There were kids in there sitting at little desks. At one end of the room there is a piano where my teacher, Ms. Bistanding, play little kiddie songs and we would sing with her. My mom explained something to my teacher and she smiled at me, gesturing with her hand she pointed to an empty desk. I walked to it, my feet dragging behind me, and I sat down. A kid in front of me turned around and said something, but I couldn’t understand what she said. She keeps repeating that strange sound, but I don’t understand what she is saying. Finally, seeming like she’s giving up on me she turned around and started talking to some other kids. The teacher got up in front of the room and started speaking, even though I couldn’t understand what she was saying I heard my name several times, “Melissa” in her speech.

A voice came on over the loud speaker and we stood up put our hand over our heart and chanted something to the American flag. I tried my best by mimicking the sounds they were making, and doing the same thing that everybody was doing. When that was finished we sat in our little desks and she started to call out names. When that was over I was sent to another room.

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I stepped into a small classroom. There were kids in there, but not much. I was seated at a circular table with another kid. A teacher sat down in front of us and she started talking. I just sat there and smiled why she kept talking. She kept on talking, and then she brought out a big card with a picture on it. It was a picture of a cat, but there was something underneath the picture. The teacher pointed at the something under the picture and said something slowly. “Cat,” she said, “cat,” I would say. She smiled and pulled out another card. “Dog,” she would say, “dog,” I would say back. We would do this every afternoon with new cards. When that class was over I would go back to my own classroom.

When I am in class with my normal classmates, we usually learn simple mathematics, review on the alphabet, and sing songs while Ms. Bistanding plays on the piano. In the classrooms I had fun most of the time, but recess and lunchtime was a nightmare I was always alone. The first time I ever been on the playground I was by myself. Sitting at the lunch table, by myself, eating quickly so I wouldn’t have to say anything. I wished I never had to come to America, I really didn’t want to leave Japan but I had to because of the earthquake. I knew I would never be able to go back so I would bite my tongue and not say anything.

I started to understand what some of the words meant, but I still had some trouble. I would practice the English language when I get home, but it was very frustrating. Because I couldn’t speak any English I didn’t have many friends. I was all alone and that got me really depressed. My stress and depression just builds as I kept all of my feelings inside of me, never letting anybody know what I was thinking and how I felt. It just kept building until it gave me a rash that I had to have a special medication put on it to make it go away.

At the end of the year I knew how to start a conversation, but I still had a lot to learn. I passed 1st grade, but I always had the feeling that they shouldn’t promoted me to the next grade because I thought I wasn’t ready yet.

It took me years to learn English. Most of it I learned from being taught, but some of it was from watching television. I am happy that I made it this far; I could have given up anytime I wanted and just stayed home. But that would be the coward way, I faced my fears, my goal, my destiny, and I made it. I got to 8th grade with no knowledge of the language when I was little. That is a great accomplishment, but I never thought about that until when I was a bit older. Now I have another goal, another fear, and another destiny for myself. And I will not back down and hide away like a coward, I will stand up tall and face it like I did when I was younger.

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